you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
