My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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