So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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