Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
