so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
