I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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