I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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