It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
