Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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