Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
