If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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