How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
