Cold hands, warm shart.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
