my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
