He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
