he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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