my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
