Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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