im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just pee around me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
