Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize