I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
