Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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