my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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