they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
