I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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