You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
