That's intense
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
