wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
