dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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