the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
