No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
