Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
