He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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