I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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