Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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