This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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