Jerry, you need to find god
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
