I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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