The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
