you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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