I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
