did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize