First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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