I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
