What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
