I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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