please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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