What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
