you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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