Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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