I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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