She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
