dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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