plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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