1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My bed smells like the plague
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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