if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
