If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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