Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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