I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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