I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
