i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
