We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
