That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
