LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
